Consent

When your friend wants to vent but has no outlet to do so…you let her borrow your blog…from LK…

Retaeh Parson, Audrie Pott, Stubenville, Glen Ridge, Dalhousie, Jian Gohmeshi, Bill Cosby, Brock Turner…. The list is actually massive when I googled “high profile rape cases”.

Recently at my son’s high school, a boy who in the fall, received nude pictures of a girl and showed them to his friends, received no punishment from the school, and then in the spring, the same boy sent pictures of his penis to different girls at the school, who showed their friends, and again received no punishment. The girls did though… It struck a cord. No matter what side of this issue this boy was on, the school did not punish him. “Boys will be boys”.

Now Brock Turner is all over the media, and society is again screaming loud and clear that we have a major problem.

I have two sons. I love them dearly, but I am scared as hell for them. While I try to use these high profile cases as a way to open conversations with them about sex, rape, and consent, the rest of the world seems to be telling them, it’s not a big deal. They only SAY it’s a big deal, but there are no real consequences. If you can stick it in, go for it. If you can take a picture, show us. If you can lift her skirt, have at her. If you won’t, send her over to me, I will. Women are here for our sexual gratification, our entertainment, women are here for us to use. No consequences.

I can only hope my discussions with them will play on their minds, when, and I say WHEN because they WILL end up in one of these situations, or witness one. I can only hope they think of their little sister. Of their girlfriends, and girl friends. Of the various victims we have read articles about, and discussed at length. I’ve said over and over, be the PROTECTOR. When society tells you it’s not a big deal, and while the law, or your school, may not give you the impression there are consequences for your actions, even if your friends call you a pussy, I am begging you, be the protectors.

What I’ve said to my boys about consent? What EVERYONE needs to say to our boys about consent? It means two people, of sound, sober mind, ENTHUSIASTICALLY WANTING each other. Both people, enthusiastically participating in the activity. Not trying to convince or pressure someone. Not begging for them to want you. Not relentlessly asking for naked pictures. Not a drunk chick you don’t know. DEFINITELY NOT AN UNCONSCIOUS WOMAN BY A DUMPSTER. We need to talk about this in the schools, at home. We need to talk about this in graphic detail. If she’s drunk, watch for predators, if she’s passed out, get her to safety. If she’s a stranger, or an acquaintance, or even a friend, who is drunk and coming on to you… It’s a NO. Just NO. No for you, no for your friends, and no for anyone else around. No means no, maybe means no, drunk means no, passed out means NO. It’s not about whether girls should get drunk, or whether girls should send naked pictures, or wear tank tops and short skirts. It’s about the boys. It’s what we are telling our boys. It’s about respect. If she liked you enough to send you a picture, respect that. Keep it private. If she liked you enough to willingly, and enthusiastically take her clothes off for you? Don’t call her a slut, or snap a picture, or tell your buddy she’s easy. Respect her. Keep your shit private. Keep HER shit private.

I will continue to pound this message into their heads, but I’m one mom, and they are just two boys, and it’s hard, and scary, when everything else coming at them seems to be telling them the opposite.

Contributed by LK