Do you know how much it sucks to post about your private life, only to have it completely implode on you within days/weeks/months of your post. There’s this fine line of trying to decide if it’s worth it to let life play out in words or if it’s best to just keep it private to save the torture of everyone knowing your joy and pain as it’s happening in real life.
I just spent a few hours going thru my old blog posts and had this panicked feeling of wanting to delete all the posts that no longer applied. You know the ones…”OMG, I love my husband”…nah, shit, we’re getting a divorce….”OMG, I loooove my new boyfriend”…nah, wait…we broke up too. FML…it’s so embarrassing. You’re so sure of something one day, then two months later you look back and wonder what the fuck what wrong with you?! There’s days that I’m actually convinced that writing about my life somehow jinxes my life.
So here I sit, glass of wine in hand, debating if it’s worth it to unleash my soul to the world anymore. I fret over the content of what I want to say vs what I think I should say. I tend to censor myself as to not offend ‘so-and-so’. Maybe it’s getting older and realizing what is actually important in life? I’m 33, and it’s stupid that I give a shit about who I’m appealing to on social media. I started this bastard of a blog as a fun way to journal my yoga experiences. Over two years it’s turned into some demon that chases me in my dreams.
I’m an open book in real life. Ye ask and ye shall be told. I don’t know why it bothers me so much more to be honest via the cyber world. Maybe it’s paranoia, maybe it’s realizing that not everyone needs to know your business. Either way…I’m taking a step back from vomiting out my heart and soul. Maybe some things are best kept private. Maybe in two weeks I’ll forget I wrote this and blabber on about life all over again. Who knows?! All I know for sure, at this very moment, is that I’m the happiest I have ever been. Like EVER. And I don’t want to ruin that.
For now, without hesitation…I sign off, not knowing if I’ll be back or not. And I’m ok with that.