Want to know a very quick and dirty way to get to the root of any of your issue?
Ask yourself why, repeatedly, until the answer becomes clear…
Why do I have a headache? Because I drank wine last night.
Why did I drink wine last night? Because I was sad.
Why were you sad? Because my goldfish died.
Why did your golf fish die? Because I forgot to feed it.
Why didn’t you feed it? Because I hate the goldfish.
Why do you hate the goldfish? Because it reminds me of the time my psychotic sister tried to drown me in a bowl of water when I was 8.
Basically, if you dig deep enough and honestly, you can actually figure out the real issues. Once you figure out the why, you can figure out the where, the when, the who and the what.
The where and when are easy: That’s geographically, how old you were, summer/winter, etc.
Which critical point in your life did this occur?
The who: Was this your teacher who yelled and created anxiety? Was it your mom that always fell down and smell of booze? Was it the ex who made you question the motives of any future man?
The what: The what is the effect of all of the above. The outcome. The what makes you “YOU”.
My friend and I talk ALL.THE.TIME about these types of scenarios. I can directly relate my anxiety to a few key points in my life. I can relate past boy issues to my daddy issues. I can admit my flaws, my perfect imperfections if you will, not with justification but with clarification. It all makes sense when you start to put the puzzle pieces together. From there, why you cry at father/daughter scenes begins to make sense. Why do you have a tendency to binge drink a bottle of wine if you’ve had an anxious day makes you slow down a step. Why do you feel unworthy of love starts to sound like why do I feel so lucky in love? You see though, the why’s don’t always have to start off bad. You might live your life thinking you’ll never be content or truly happy because of what happened to you as a teenager. You might blame yourself for your parents divorce because of that one time you heard them fighting about you. Or hate yourself for that time you got so mad you slapped your son because it reminds you of the time your father hit you. Maybe you don’t fully appreciate what’s right in front you of you. What’s right here and now, what’s in front of your face just trying to love you to the best of their ability. But then, then you wake up one morning, at thirty-three, and somehow life seems clearer. All the whats of your life start to add up. They craft the path of your life. You find glimmers of happiness because you remember that time when…
You see the sun rise and set differently because of that time you had to get up really early to catch that plane. You take deeper breathes and a calmer approach because you don’t want to repeat patterns. You allow yourself to be loved because of that one great first date. So my friend, do not let what happened in the past dim your views on life. Do not let them make you feel guilt. Do not give them the time to fester in your soul. Own them, accept them, love the shit out of them. For they are what makes you you and what makes him him.
~ Wendy ~